I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
