I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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