So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
