So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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