I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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