it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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