my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
