I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
