I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
