i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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