The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
