She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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