you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
