im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
