Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The air taste purple.
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