If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
