he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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