He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
