Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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