I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm bleeding and have questions
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
