I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
