My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
