He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
