And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
