i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
