quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
