He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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His hands were made for my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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