we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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