Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
