Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
