I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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