new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
try to milk me bitch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
