Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
