my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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