suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
