Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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