My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
