so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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