I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
