so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
