hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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