I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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