I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
