Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
