Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
