I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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