Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
