2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
