If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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