somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
