i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
