Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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