Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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