Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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