i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
is it fun? or sober?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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