I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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