i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
