Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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