i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
