1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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