So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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