It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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