How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
