those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
