im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
