Dual....:-)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
