smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
