Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
