I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two words: eviction party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
