my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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