i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did I show you my penis last night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
