Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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