just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
