how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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