So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
