Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
