I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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