apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
time to smoke my breakfast
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
