omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
